


How to Piss Off Sakata Gintoki

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: 刺し子 — Sashiko [3]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Anger, Bad Puns, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Character Study, Crack, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Gen, Humor, Lists, POV First Person, Rants, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 02:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10066667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: I maybe apathetic, but there are things I simply can't stand… now excuse me, what the fuck did you say about my hair?





	

**Every single time** the local bookstore runs out of JUMP copies, which unfortunately happens too often and kicks off far too many plot lines.

 **When** my chocolate red bean paste caramel ice-cream isn't sweet enough.

 **Having** a personal Straight Man is fine enough, but when he gets irritable and nags you twenty-four hours a day, it can get really grating.

 **Every time** _I_ end up as the Straight Man.

 **Fangirls,** especially a certain lavender-haired one who hides in my home in order to see me naked.

 **While we're at it,** how about that girl who tosses kunai everywhere?

 **Or the _yandere_** who wrecks havoc at the slightest perceived insult?

 **A certain granny** who keeps nagging me about the rent.

 **When Sadaharu** pees on my feet.

 **The fact that** even Shinpachi has smooth hair.

 **Don't even get me started** on that dumbass whose long, improbably luscious locks never seem to have one strand out of place even though the guy runs all over the place all the fucking time. I'd kill to see him have a bad hair day any day.

 **By the way,** doesn't Sakamoto have perms too? Why isn't _his_ hair made fun of?

 **The day** some dude outbid me for a Ketsuno Ana action figure. Like, I know I'm perpetually broke, but I am the one loving her truly with all my heart!

 **Okay, okay,** maybe I'll give up on her, just _side with me_ for once, the Deity of Luck!

 **The less-than-acceptable screen time** I get as a main character.

 **Shut up with the** "but Takasugi only has about one-hundredth of your screen time" argument already! This show is called Gintama, not Kurotama!

 **While we're at it,** Takasugi himself. He's been an unpleasant little dwarf from childhood onwards, and now he's just a pure evil gremlin.

 **The way Sakamoto says,** "It's rude to mistake people's names" one second and then calls me Kintoki the other.

 **The look on Zura's face** when I tell him the point above.

 **When this show** is threatened to be cancelled.

 **The anime of Rosario + Vampire.** How could they do such a blatant disservice of such an awesome JUMP manga? ~~Not that I don't like the fanservice…~~

 **The fact that** such a thing called "diabetes" exist.

 **Every time** someone says to me that I need to get married.

 **Mayonnaise,** especially used in excessive amounts by a certain Shinsengumi bastard. Nuff said.

 **What the fuck** does Kagura find good about pickled seaweed anyway? It _literally_ smells like cat piss!

 **The taste of real strawberries.**  Y U NO BE SWEET LIKE STRAWBERRY MILK AND STRAWBERRY PARFAIT?

 **Apparently** there's a thing called strawberry-flavored Yakult now.

 **In fact,** just sitting here compiling a hate-list is making me itch.

 **No, seriously,** who the fuck is this Sei Shōnagon? Is she hot? Is she a nice, kind woman or an outright menace like Glasses' sister? Or… is she an unbearable bitch who never takes responsibility for her actions, because no one can say "it's Sei's fault" (" _Sei no sei_ ") without breaking down in laughter? But really, _who_ is she? Maybe I can make her the new heroine of the show!

 **Right now,** Kagura is reading over my shoulder and has just said she's going to publish this. Guess what? This is _already_ posted on my blog!

**Author's Note:**

> That was probably the farthest deviation from the [Hateful Things](https://www.basicincome.com/bp/hatefulthings.htm) style I've written for the series so far, what with Gin's personality and all, lol. I'll try and stick to the style in future lists.


End file.
